Judgement Day - Judgement have been pass

Its been a sad day yesterdae.... A very hurtful comment have been pass onto me by a person i like. Someone whom by mistake i had angered. Some one whom i would love to haf a chance to clear out the misunderstanding.... Who would haf guess i would haf none of the luxury... All i get was "You r irritating and a sicko". Hahaha. A very familair feeling crept into my heart. The feeling of hurt. I have almost forgotten the feelings since its been years since i last feel the japping of a knife in my heart. I tot i could never feel pain again after that 2 incident as i felt my heart was dead.... I guess iam wrong. It hurts. It hurts as if the pain is real. I felt a surge of water flowing up into my eyes. I guess tats wat people call tears. I broke down. Of all people... i got to hear the sad truth from her.
Now i am thinking in my head if she is the only one who is frank enough to tell me the truth about me being irritating and a SICKO? or is she the only one who is able to see the real me. Maybe i am tat bad a person. Maybe i really is a failure in life. A failure creation by god. A creation that have gone bad. Now things started to piece togethers. Now i guess i know why i am losing so many friends by the days. Cos i am irritating. Hahahaa. Now i know y i am always rejected when i try to ask people out. Haiz. Always thought i am good wif words around people. Always thinking i am out talk people. Guess i am juz too proud n arrogant to admit i am a failure in life. How i wish i dun have emotions. How i wish i am a nerd whoes only company is books. I guess books wouldnt hurt you this much would they ?
Tink its really time i walk into hibernation mode. I am really tired. I dunoe wat to do. Dunoe wat to say. I have no more confidence left. I think i have became a walking zombie now. Everything is so fake rite now. Having to smile @ people who greet you when u r acrually bleeding in ur heart. Having to say its a wonderful day when u know it sucks. Man i wish i can forget all my memories sweet or bitter. Cos rite now i guess i have more bitter memories than sweet. I juz wan to get out of singapore........

Pathetic me

I am so sad... Few weeks back had a quarrel wif commanders n now i am in bad terms wif my commanders. Dun even bother toking to those pieces of shit. But now even my shift mates started to eat mi. SIGHZ. My duty was taken over 30 mins late. 2nd duty 45mins late. Den kena stall by some air raid drill n had to be taken over 4 hours late for my last duty. Back in camp hope things will be better but who noes... Was actually eaten by more than 40 mins again as our duties finish @ 6.15 !!!!! Haiz.... Reach home @ 8PM when i supposely to go out of camp by 6pm... Wat the hell... Seems like things r in a ruin for mi. Even my comp is acting strange on me. Giving mi some problems now n den. Boring life i leading. Hope to get out of this camp ASAP den i can work till i am shag out everyday. Den i wont think of anyone n wont haf time to think of anyone. Now work is my best buddy. Cos only he can make mi forget everything n anything. I wanna be shag out by work !!!!!! but definitely not duties... God help mi... I am being bullied even though i try to be Mr Nice Guy. Issit only the tough n bad guy survive ? If so shd i revert back ??? Aint tat difficult to turn back to the dark side i once live in. i only fear i wun be able to turn back again.....

Cowardly me !

Wat a lousy place popular is... I haf come to this conclusion after i went to 3 popular n din managed to find the stuff i need ! And wat a unlucky day i had. Went to Cheng San Library to find some books yet i cant find them ! Went to popular n they too din carry the things i wan. In the end i had to made a trip to woodlands regional library but upon reaching there, i realised it a PH n it's closed !!! Made a wasted trip wif my buddy... Feel so paiseh... Made him waste time with me.
Then i saw her... Yes her... Deep down inside i was hoping to see her but din really expect to see her there as she claim she was changing job one yr ago... She had been avoiding my calls/sms... Had a strong urge to go in n say hi to her. MAn was she beautiful even in her uniform... But then i juz stone der... My mouth goes dry and a lump choke up my throat...I took a step back n b4 i knew it i was on a bus home... I had became a coward once a again. Din even had the courage to go in to say hi... I was afraid she will be angry @ me.. Afraid she will quit her job n i will lose all chance of seeing her again... Was afraid she will cry... Was afraid of myself... Din noe wat to do... Wat a failure i have prove myself to be once again... Sigh.... What shd i do my frens ????
I had angered her not once but twice. Now she seems really angry... She had gone so skinny now n kinda break my heart.... she use to have such a good figure but now is so skinny... Haiz... Wat shd i do ??? Shd i approach her ? or shd i juz let go ?
Gimme ur comments frens.....

Sound of Silence and of Waves

Day: Sat
Date : 21/05/2005
Time: 0419 Hrs
Well come back to my blog frens. Well juz went out for a exciting nite and now is back home indulging in the sweet silence of my room. However... the silence only serve to remind mi of a sound which i always crave for whenever i m troubled, happy, sad or for no apparent reason. And tats the sound of the waves beating against the shore line in the wee morning when @ the same time u can feel the cool breeze running thru ur hair.... Well... i had control of the van @ this timing.. yet i cant find a reason to step out of my hse to visit the seaside again. cos deep down i am feeling lonely. How i wish AGAIN i could haf a gf or a close gal fren whom i can go to the beach with to enjoy the songs of the sea n the sayanging of the wind. Y issit tat i cant get a gf... always haf i pondered over this qns.. And i too stubborn in going after the gal i love? AM i wrong to stoopidly wait for the gal i love ? Am i wrong to give my all to the gal i love? Well certainly most people will say i am dumb to do thing for a gal who isnt even ur gf... But i m the sort of guys who goes after gals i know for some time, gals whom i noe i like n whom i noe can click wif mi. I aint the sort tat goes after gals i like @ fers sight n decide along the way if we r compatible.... Tat to mi is way too pointless... Wat haf happen to the game of courtship ? Y people nowadays become BGR only to break off cos they made up their mind too soon ? Y cant we noe each other better than begin a relationship? Am i being too conservative? Am i being too LAO TU ?
I believe i am. Cos even some fren i can trust my life wif is sick of me complaining abt mi having no gf. Sick of listening to one after another failure of mine in getting a gf... Right now.. i no longer trust love... Cos love to me does not exist in this present world anymore. The love that the current generation enjoys is certainly not my type. And i dun believe i will change my idea to suit the world...
Born into the world a loner i am. Remain on this world a loner i shall. Back to heaven a loner i will...

My life is a BITCH !

Well.... back here once more to grumble n biatch about my pathetic life.
Alot of people have been telling mi how they miss their NS life and how they wish they r back in ns... As for mi... i dun really think so.
First of all... i have FU*K UP commanders who don't fight for the welfare of their men which is US ! and only think for themselves. I have stoopid SGTs who LOVE to plan duty slots like 12-3am n 6-9am.... Wondered if they ever try doing it on their own... Its so freaking tiring to do 3hours n sleep for less than 2 hours n having to go for duty again.... They never get feedbacks from us on how our duty is... n which is the best slot.. They juz think they r the commanders n they KNOW IT ALL !
i say FU*K THEM ! I have been in this camp for a freaking 1 n 1/2 yrs n i can gurantee i know hell lot more things than they do. Can't they show us some respect ? So what if they r specs. They dun command our respect @ all. They know NUTS about the drills and r so freaking slow to react to situation. N worse of all as a specs they dun even know how to speak like a man in front of S3. When question... they juz mumble like a rat instead of speaking up confidently. How can a specs not know the drills well.... ???
As for our wonderful PCs... they r all going by the freaking book which is thicker than the whole set of encylcopedia put together. And when it comes down to welfare... I cant even see a page. All the commanders do is to go to EAST n watch TV eat sleep n tok cok. They dun even haf to man the pass office nowadays. And yet they keep on implementing stoopid stuff to eat into our resting time. How the hell they expect us to be vigilence in our work when we r not even properly rested ? For the seniors like me... our fatigue is not 2 days' fatigue. Our fatigue is build over the months.... When we were doing 2-1, 3-1 n 4-1... we din get enough rest n now we have this freaking standby... how on earth r we to recuperate ????? Well i guess the commander juz dun realise our fatigue as they only have to watch TV n sleep in camp. Oh i forgot they also have one more duty tat is to plan our detailing which in fact is jigsaw puzzle to them. See a slot, drop a name inside. Well detailings is OUT ...! Well even a kid can do tat now. Unlike our old specs who plan properly so tat each n everyone have enough REST REST REST !
5 more mths n i won't have to see those good for nothing specs. How i wish the time can fly. Those specs n PCS are really getting on my nerve. Prove to us your worth b4 u try to do any stunts. Dun juz use ur ranks... No one especially ME will be happy under u. I rather fight under a toilet cleaner than under ur leadership. Cos i noe u will send mi to my death. @ least its a BET with a toilet cleaner... Haiz.... I wish i din study so hard. DEn i could be gone in 2 mths time.
Other than book in and book out... i came to realise something. I havent been seeing my parents for ard 6weeks oreadi. n if i din rem wrongly... its about 4 mths since i last sat down to have a family meal. Well... look on the bright side.... I have new family in CHANGI AIR BASE . i have the crows as my brothers, the mabul as my younger brothers, the ants as my sisters and the crocaches as my cousins. Well isnt tat great ? Its always so big n happening during mealtimes. N now to forget our galfrens the MOSQUITOES who r really good. 24hrs stickly beside you never leaving u. Better than jap wives i tell u. Hahaha
well that will be all for my whining today... Catch you guys who read my lame blog again....