My One Sided Love Life (Part I)

It was just after my O levels... I graduate from Montfort and it is an ALL boys school. Never ever tasted love.... Managed to get a job working @ ATI a japan company doing warehouse. Was doing well @ the job for a month or so until a new clerk came along. She was also working while waiting for poly... It's the 1st time in my life i have to work so closely with a ger... and i muz admit i was slowing but surely attracted to her. Slowly by the day i was getting more n more concerned about her... At lunch when she is tired and choose to sleep instead of eating i will get nervous and will get her food with my own pocket money. I wouldnt want her to pay me back. Day ater day, it become a routine... I am willing.... Truely... Maybe i am juz stoopid but i am really willing to do everything for her since the 2 mth i met her. I started to walk her home everyday becos she work OT everyday until midnite. I was very happy becos i TOT i had chances with her. Everyday i would leave home @ 6am and reach home by 1-2am... On weekends we would also meet up to go out once in a while... but most of the time we would be doing OT. This goes on for like 2 mths more until May 17th... which is the eve of her bdae.
I asked my fren for help.. I lay the table with table cloth @ the void deck of her house... In those small pavilion... @ the side i place 2 speakers which i had kenny G music playing. Then i lay the cake and the presents and 2 wine glass on it. I had brought champage for her. Then the present includes 17 items becos she is 17th. then i had a basket filled with scented dry flowers peddings and stars which i made for her... In total i had folded 1999 stars, 5 seagulls and 18 cranes for her... That represented her Birthday. And i ask her down @ just b4 midnite and gave her an unforgettable fairy tale bdae which till now she said is her best. But to this near perfect bdae i made a stoopid mistake. I told her i love her... i asked her to be my gf... but i never expected her reply... She told me... she was going steady with my colleague.... A guy who is 8 yrs her senior... I never knew that as that guy was my buddy @ work. I never expected that but i still had to put on a false front, accept the true and move on. After sending her home i couldnt take it... I walk all the way home. took me a few hours to reach home but by then my eyes were red with tears.
The following week was living hell to me as i am unable to concentrate on work... I quitted on the same week... Even my boss was shocked... I didnt told her i quit.... We lost contact....

Feelings...

Date: 04/10/2005
Time: 4.35AM
Weather: Raining....

Havent been blogging for a while now... have been busy in camp and some personal stuff. Got in touch with some poly mates and celebrated one bdae.... Never had such a good time for a long long time.... Feeling of companionship... Was standing @ the window moments ago looking or shd i say staring into the open space.... Was feeling the cool breeze and was thinking suddenly again of the same old qns... What does it feel to be in love....?? I never tried it... never tasted it... But y do i yearn for it? Isnt really stuff that u cant get taste better? Y is there a urge for lvoe when u have never try it?
Well i know i am a problematic person.. can say i really dunoe how to enjoy my life.... I am so bloody fortunate as compared to millions out there.... I haf got good features... not a handicap and i am not a idiot... yet i am still complaining now n den... But i suppose human r really curios am i not rite? hahaha
Friends? Is there really such a word call friends? Is there really such a thing ? Or friends only appear when they need something from u ? such as companionship? haiz.... i wonder....
Nothing in this world seems trustable anymore.
To be true if i cant stand the sight of someone... but he is my higher authority..do i haf to put up with him... Cant we be trueful n tell him straight in the face he sux ? and cant he be graceful enuff to accept the fact we r honest with him? hahaha... Life would be better if everything is black and white wouldnt it? Y grey...? Crap i am going mad.... Muz be the time... 4am n i cant bloody get down to sleep..... Something is not right....
One last thing i feel so strongly about NS. If its all abt rank... den y do officers give face to warrant officers? If they look @ age den y cant my bloody kiddos PC give face to me? A old man in NS !
wahahahaha
Well juz complaining today... hope u guys out der who read my blog enjoy ur life and dun be like me think so much. I am juz a idiot making myself feel miserable....