Forget the past.... Is it possible to let go ?

Somebody once told mi you have to let go out ur love for someone that is the past before u can move on to the next relationship... But is that really possible ? Even though i never gotten the ger i love but the love for her never diminished.... I have not met her for a yr or more... today she came to my hse to return mi a set of vcd i lent her... The moment i set eyes on her... all the feelings n emotions i haf for her came back very strongly. Yes she is getting engaged soon. But fuck that... There is still 4 month... i am such a bastard @ time but i am also a coward. I dun dare to make any move. Neither do i wan to also... Becos i know he is a very nice guy with ambition and is very caring n take good care of her. She is very very happy with him together... But then i juz cant get the feeling off... I still remember the past. Not a single bit have been lost. I remember the places i visited with her. I remember the one n only show i watch with her. Water boy... I remember wat we ate b4. I remember the route we took to sent her home. I remember the day i weep when she rejected me... Every thing.... How am i to forget it n proceed... Though i carry a liking for another ger whom i noe is impossible but wat to do... She is the ger who told mi i have to forget the past to move on...
Why... alot of times i have seen guys who gamble n lost so much.... seen guys who drink everyday... known guys who flirt ard... yet they always have a very caring n pretty gf... Yet i am here all alone opening telling the world wat a failure i am.... I juz dun get it wat do i lack...
Some comment was thet the one is not here yet... Well everyone know thats juz a excuse to make mi feel better. Thanks to all the people who try to make mi happy with those petty excuses and thx to those who have already give up on me. I mean it. I am such a jerk n make people ard miserable. Y do i grumble so much....??? Such a pussy i am.
I guess i am real stubborn @ times with my thinking but it seems that i am losing alot of frens. People who juz lost contact or juz dun wanna reply my msg anymore. Guess i am a failure in both love and friends and worse of all i am a failure in life...
ORD on the 25th yet i am still so slack not sending out resume... As if job will drop from the sky... My ambition have left me... I have no morale left.... No fighting spirits anymore... Sorry Montfort. Age Quod Agis.... i dun think i can fulfill tat anymore....

My One Sided Love Life (Part II)

...Continue from Part I

After ard 3 mths in Poly... I began to realise i cldnt concentrate as much as i wanted to. More often than not i would drift off and think of her. I didn't join any CCA and all i did after class was to work or went home. I cldnt stand to be alone or stoning... Cos everytime i am alone my mind is filled with tots of her. Even thought my work place and poly got really nice gals and good working environment. I juz cldnt focus... I needed to see her... Every once in a while i would take out her photo n stare @ it... asking myself... Y... ware did i go wrong? Sigh....
Finally one day i was home alone n surfing the web when the tots of her overwhelm me. I was surfing the webbies of polys... trying to find inspiration for my project when i visited SP webbie n realise i cld do a search on students... She is IN SP. I cldnt resist it anymore. I email her...
In 3 days times, she replied... n guess wat. Her fers reply... How have u been? I MISS YOU...
Know how tat deals as a killer blow for a guy who is so in love with you.. I lost all senses... I replied n met her a few weeks lata. In between we chatted on phone n catch up with one another. Its not that she hadnt bother to call or page me during the 4-5 mths we lost contact. She lost her pager and wallet as it was stolen on her way home to Msia. She cldnt remember my number n thus she cldnt get me. She had broken off with tat bastard bf of hers as it turn out he is a real bastard. We went out for a few times n the fire inside mi is rekindled. I wanted her so badly... I decided to give it one more try. I was working in ABN that time(Skool holidae) n would end work @ 5pm. So everyday i would go home n wash up and after which i would take a bus down to woodland. Waiting for her to finish work @ bodyshop. sometimes she is delay n i haf to wait like 2 hours for her. But it feels good to be able to wait for her. I think alot of guys would find mi a idiot and someone who is so dumb as to waste my time like this. but i really enjoyed waiting for her... i was hoping for a chance. After she finished work we would take the train back to Toa Payoh n from there walk to her house. Its a half an hour walk n most of the time we wld stop @ the petrol kiosk n get something to bite n chatted along the way. Its the most beautiful time of my life. Taking a stroll with the gal of my dream... I was beginning to regret last time when i was working with her in the warehse. I shdnt had taken cab ALL the way. I dun wan her to walk or take bus but i realise this is mroe enjoyabloe than taking taxis... This carry on for like 3 mth. during that we often go shopping n watch movies. I know her taste for clothes n food. Every likes n dislikes... Den one day when i ask her out to Pasir Ris for dinner. Someware near fisherman village ware there is a very nice ambience and settings. We ate and chatted for a long time. She was wearing a sarong i bought for her. She look gorgeous that nite. I was memserised by her yet again. We spend like 3hrs der and when we pack off to go home... i popped the qns again... I tot i would succeed... Guess i am juz another toad lusting for swan... Rejected once more. This time is more painful than the other time. Cos u noe what... she went steady with one of her colleague recently again... N i was again in the dark... Maybe i really let her feel i am juz another good fren to her but i really like her... i dunoe how to express my love.
No choice but to put on a brave front. I told her i would wait for her and sent her home. Den same scenerio i walk home from Toa Payoh... Din cry this time. but i felt that my heart is dead. I cld no longer feel the fire inside me... Its sad yet i dunoe how to describe the feelings... i stopped sending her home... Juz nice poly is starting and its back to skool to forget everything. I slowly drifted out of her life.... but i kept my promise... I waited... Until recently i recieve news she will be engaged next yr in april. He is a very good guy. Saw him once or twice and i am really happy for her... She found her lover and partner whom she can depend on.
Deep inside i still yearn for her. I wish to try one more time. but i noe i would only make sad or angry... Now trying to forget the love for her but i guess i cant. Its still der and will always be der... Eunice... I LOVE YOU...
Well guess this is the last time i can say that in here n i hope wayne dun read it... Else he will hate mi to the core.
Well thats my story guys... My little sad story on my pathetic love life... Maybe next time i will write some side story... MAYBE... Thx for reading my blog and hope u guys dun luff @ me... I noe i am an idiotic bastard but do bear with me....