What feeling is this? Dispair ? Lost ?
Date: March 2nd 2006
Time 3:36am
Been quite some time i last had such a miserable time. Had been lying on the bed since midnite but have been tossing ard n unable to get to sleep. Tears r welling up but i dunoe y... Maybe is stress but wat stress is der ? i m staying home everyday to play game... Wishes to call someone to chat with... picked up my phone.. flip thru my fone list n i realise. Everyone haf their life. Either bz working or studying and most r already in bed. How can i disturb them juz to entertain myself. Flipping thru den i realise its been more than a mth since anyone last call mi... Hahaha. A joke really but i think i dun need a HP. haha. Also dunoe wats keeping me awake but i juz feel as if a black hole is eating mi up everytime i close my eyes. I feel scared... alone.. helpless.
Had went to catch a movie(Underworld Evolution) alone @ tamp mall in the afternoon n it was a good show. Everytime i seems to step out n whenever i m back home i seem to have this type of strange feeling/sensation. Couldnt describe it but i guess i really need a soul companion whom i can pour my heart to. Or issit being a single too long driving mi crazy... Maybe alot of u guys out der will argue being single is better than attached @ times... But being single for 25yrs straight n rejected by 2 gers u ever fall for even though u did everything u cld is very hard to bear. I had not even tasted wats love... Never even held a ger hand b4... N i DID TRY...
Or maybe is becos of the pressure getting from frens n parents abt mi getting a job tats y i feeling so "cramp". i dunoe.. but everytime someone ask mi abt job hunting i sorta piss off. I trying hard but no one seems to wan to hire mi. They dun even wan mi for a interview. Yes i noe its normal but this ware the 2 yrs i spent "retain" kick in. It have a side effect on mi now. I beginning to think ppl dun wanna even interview me cos i m having my ferz bloody job @ 25 !!!!
such a late starter n juz holding a diploma which is worthless nowadays...
I really hope i could have someone to relate to... Used to have a gal fren whom i can relate to.. but after she started working everything changes... no longer can we communicate. no longer cld we have a quiet dinner cos its kinda awkward going out with her... Had another one whom i used to pour my heart out to... but now she is tied down by work n studies n relationship.. no time for mi . Wan to find my kaki go drink with mi also difficult cos he always claim he is broke but when he is loaded he will spend time with his fren in pubs or lanshop...
Frens, jobs, money, love... I HAVE NONE
Enemy,problems,debts... I HAVE ALOT !
Even after 2 weeks of rest my shoulder is still acting up. Can feel the strain everytime i try to stretch. For a 25 yrs old i think i m getting abit too old for my age... hahaha
Tats all for my whining.. Felt better with this blogging. Hopefully i can be a phoenix n rise again. Cos i feel that i am dead rite now. Oh by the way.. YOU came into my mind again... i miss u really... wonder if ever u can forgive me... :(
posted by Loner81 at 1:37 AM
3 Comments:
:) Go find another patch of green grass to graze ba. ^^
- lg
you will be happier if you stop looking at your problem and start looking out.
You are afterall only 25 dude, lift barely started for you, yeh it might be bumpy ride for you now but who ever tell you its a bed of roses. What makes you think that as you aged you will have more friends? Whereas the opposite is just so through, when you grow older, with the different commitments and experiences, your pools of friends dwindle. I have almost 200 names in my HP but how many do i often call or who often call me? Barely 10?
We all go thru different phrases of you life, there are friends who stayed longer walking with us through the journey, some just cruise in and then exit even before you realize it. What matter is treasure the friends you have now, go out and socialize communication skills are not improve by locking yourself up? Have you ever thought that your friends are not so close because you never really open up to them on your problems? That you never really want to listen to another person opinion? That you are too quick too anger?
No jobs now instead of wallowing in self pity why not go pick up some skills or just take up some temp work. Feelin fat and old? Then go do something about it.
Worrying is like a rocking chair, you can worry all you want but its not going to take you anywhere.
So buck up... if nothing works, try praying. At least you never have to worry about infringing into God's personal time.
i am new at this, but i wanted to say somthing to you, after reading most of your blogs.
i just wanted to say....well your not alone
i hope you find what you need to in life......
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